Tuesday, April 07, 2015

Got through it

The first holiday without Dave we got through.  It was pretty much as challenging as I thought it would be.  There were moments when we thought we wouldn't get through, then were other's that had an easy flow.

We met for Quesadilla's which is what we going to eat on the 14th; the day that was to be the collective party and turned into the shock of Dave's passing.  We had a birthday cake for Zach and talked to Dave's wife about where she is at.  I know how hard this is for me sharing 44 years with him.  I can't begin to imagine her experience, he was her everyday.. wow.

I still haven't had a day when my cheeks have been fully dry.  I wonder if today is that day?  It's only been 25 days without him.  I'm still smelling the cigarette smoke occasionally, but it has eased way off from what it was (this has been a sign to me as I quit smoking in 2012... Dave was a heavy smoker especially since he had lost his job in Jan).  He doesn't feel as close as he did a week ago though.  People say he'll say with me so long as I need him to.   It's a nice thought. 

I know he's in a better place, pain free and that in itself is wonderful.  But being here, with all of the pains left, and problems yet to be solved is overwhelming.

I guess this is how we learn.  How we are forced to move ahead.

One moment.  One breath at a time.

I'm in awe of our time shared, feeling so blessed to have had him around yet at the same time feeling so broken and wonder when that will heal.

Thanks for listening.

No comments: